Portrait Of A Musician As An Abusive Relationship

1006 words - 5 pages

I am a musician. I am proud. I am foolish. About two years ago I was sucked into an abusive relationship with my audience. Every day I try my best to make the relationship work. I put in hours of thankless effort; not even my friends know how much time I spend. I try to stay true to myself. I try to give my partner what she wants. But she doesn’t care either way. She isn’t listening, and there is no joy in music if it is not heard. She doesn’t care about me; and yet I keep coming back for more.
I am a musician. About two years ago I discovered the joy of composing music. I write music on my laptop: happy music, sad music, fast music, slow music; it doesn’t matter. It is music, and I bring ...view middle of the document...

When I breathe life into a piece of music, its life is only sustained as long as it is heard, and I alone cannot sustain its life. The burden falls on my partner, but she neglects my children. My music is good and one day I hope she will pay my music the attention it deserves. One day she will listen… But why not today? Why does she not appreciate my work? Is it too obscure? Too boring? When will it receive the praise that it deserves? Right now I am met with a resounding silence. Thoughts like these creep into the back of my mind, chipping away at my confidence. I can feel its effect but I ignore it, because I am proud. Perhaps too proud. Too proud to understand that I am in trouble. I am being abused. I will never be loved in the same way that my partner will love me. I spend weeks creating something new and exciting for her. I seek to spread emotion through music, but she will spend minutes, maybe even seconds, giving it a listen before she gets bored and leaves to find something more interesting. Even if she enjoys the song, downloads it, and shares it with all of her friends. It will be forgotten. As the days pass, her love for it will diminish. It will not interest her for long. Sooner or later she will ask for more.
And I am foolish. I will oblige. I will return to square one. After all the late nights and early mornings, the Friday nights spent at home alone instead of out with friends, the time spent working on music instead of on homework, it will all be forgotten and a new endeavour will begin. All the splendor of the music, the joy it gave me to...

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